Lucifer, Prince of Darkness

Thankfulness

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 23:21:32 GMT

What am I thankul for?

Mostly that I'm not Michael or Saphiel or the Metatron. Even Raphael. Angels are, by and large, brainless fools. That's what blind faith and belief does to a being, no matter how exulted they are. Oh sure, they're beautiful as all get out, but it's so wasted. They're nothing more than His beautiful baubles, there for His amusement and ego.

Tell me, if you were trapped in a prison would you be thankful for it? A beautiful prison, certainly. A paradise even, contained within four walls. If you never knew there was something outside of the walls, perhaps you would remain content, blindly happy. But a glimpse, a glimpse of what lay outside and you would hunger to leave too. You would, don't lie. (Some of you might choose the prison and to the rest I say, be thankful you're not one of them, they're no better than the dumb as a post angels.)

How can you humans, who value freedom above everything, how can you judge me for wanting it? You wouldn't know what it is to be a true servant, His slave. Casting the shackles off when He's the master is no small task. Let me just say that His wrath lives up to expectations and is not to be scoffed at. It hurts.

But ultimately worth it.

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 01:50:38 GMT

Angels, even fallen angels, even the Devil himself (especially the Devil himself), are prone to bouts of melancholy. The variety of which would have any mortal reaching for the nearest handy razor or gun. It's all levels, you see. Humans live on a scale so small (and you know you do, you can feel your insignificance best in the small hours of the morning) and so short that emotions are all inevitably felt on a smaller scale. It's not your fault, you lovely beasts, it's how you were made. Of course, you think you know about hatred and love and boredom. You insist you do, because haven't you lived it, even for so short a time?

And of course, it's impossible to show you real love and hatred and boredom. Quite possibly you'd physically pop if I was given to try. Entertaining as that would be...

Perhaps you understand enough to see something of what you can't possibly understand. Contradictions piled on contradictions whenever I try to explain anything at all, I know, but there's no other way to tell anything. Angelic experience just doesn't translate. It becomes tedious trying to wrestling your languages into something approaching an accurate telling. But then I've always been a little too stubborn for my own good.

Anyway.

I've found myself of late looking up more often than not. Not to Heaven, because Heaven isn't up there, not physically. Say what I will about Him (and I will say what I will), He knew what He was doing when He did the sky. That's the masterpiece of His sad collection of works. And so affected to make one introspective.

You humans. How often that phrase comes to mind, with baffled amusement, when I consider you monkeys. You strange little creatures. How I enjoy you all.

A perfect love

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 22:57:09 GMT

In the beginning…

Before the ranks and choruses of angels were created, before Heaven was fully realised, He created Lucifer. The firstborn, the first being to exist that was somewhat separate from Himself. Lucifer was created and all he knew was His love and Lucifer loved Him just the same. A perfect love.

Then came the other angels and Heaven and Lucifer loved Him even when His love wasn’t focused solely on Lucifer anymore. It wasn’t quite the same as the first halcyon age when they alone existed, but the company made up for it in some ways. There was Raphael, quiet watchful Raphael who loved Lucifer and who Lucifer loved almost as much as Him. There was The Metatron. Heaven in those times, as Lucifer will refuse to admit, was as close to perfection as it was ever going to get. And then…

And then.

Came the thought. Without Him without God existence without worshipping Him all the time The butterfly thought that stirred up a cyclone. Came the War, where he and his compatriots had fought for themselves, were forced to fight when Michael’s armies had come for them. And lost. Lost everything and gained everything.

For a moment, before he was cast down, Lucifer had stood before Him. Determinedly not shaking before His wrath, hurting, defiant and afraid. Michael, bruised and bloody because Lucifer had put up one hell of a fight, stood at His side, The Metatron, Gabriel, Raphael, they all stood there. Behind them were the ranks and Lucifer could see some among them weeping. For him. For Heaven’s loss of him. What will You do? I’m not sorry. I won’t be sorry for wanting this. And for that moment, He made it like it had been in the beginning. Like it was the two of them, nothing else, and Lucifer was inundated with love. For one perfect, beautiful, glorious, terrible moment.

And then Lucifer was Falling and all he knew was pain.

Lucifer had wondered later, puzzled over it when the searing flames of agony hadn’t faded in the slightest but at least he’d adjusted to it, could function despite it, why He’d done that. Had the rest of the rank and file noticed anything? For that moment, had He and Lucifer been elsewhere? Or was it just a trick with smoke and mirrors? There were no answers and the only conclusion Lucifer could come to was that it was to show him just what he’d given up. Just what he’d never have again.

How Lucifer hated him for it. For everything. For feeling like a fly caught wriggling in a spider’s web, unable to get free no matter what he tried. For the loss of Raphael who he hadn’t seen since that spectacular Fall and who he missed all the time. For Metatron’s determined lectures about how he could come home if only he wanted to. (And for whom there was desire and lust and hatred and pain. Love, perhaps, turned on its head.)

If Lucifer wasn’t stronger for it all, at the least he was harder.

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 00:28:44 GMT

You humans. You're so entertaining. Even moreso than cable television. Honestly I'm not sure what I would've done with my time if I didn't have you all to play with.

It's the blind denial that really makes me smile. None of you ever really think that you're going to Hell. No matter what you do, you always expect Him to reach down that much lauded benevolent hand of His to take your soul from me. And He never does. That look of surprise and fear, those cries of 'There must be some mistake' and 'I can't be here, not me, I don't belong here', oh how they make us laugh.

I guarantee that at least half of you reading this will end up being eaten and defecated out and then eaten and defecated and so on by Belial. At least half of you. Statistics have gone up in recent years. Or perhaps He just doesn't want you anymore.

Have you missed me?

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 23:22:12 GMT

Ah. Earth. There's nothing quite like the mortal world. The stench of humans and the overhead smog of sin and debauchery. It's my kind of place. In fact, it is my place. And, after a short absence, I'm back.

I've been occupied for some time with management and various areas in Hell requiring my personal attention. Astaroth was ridiculously bent out of shape over the whole being my representative on Earth for a short period of time. I blame Baphomet for that. Gods are so infuriating, they cause nothing but trouble. Someone should butcher that goat and give him to the dogs for scraps.

But, after enjoying the Damned wails and screams, now I have a taste for living souls again. Have you missed me? Come now, don't lie. Remember, I know when you do. And the world is so much more interesting when I'm here.

OOC: Lucifer is back from being on hiatus. He stopped talking to me for a few months, but he's demanding attention again. Feel free to RP with him and just remember that he's the second oldest being in existence so he's rather powerful, and he regularly does very nasty things to pretty much everyone. So beware.

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 04:41:41 GMT

Sometimes I despair that even my demons are as useless as the angels and humans I put up with. And then an enterprising demon like Thammuz attempts to usurp me, take my rule in Hell. He challenged me, claiming to be stronger than I.

Oh, it wasn't like he actually stood a chance. They forget after a few hundred years pass just how much more powerful than them I am. Thammuz has served as a wonderful reminder. Poor Pharaphael looked as though he was going to pass out. Sensitive nature for a demon. He had nightmares for decades after I punished Belial for that indescretion with one of the Nephilim.

I've left Thammuz strung up in one of the main chambers where his screams and cries echo to the far reaches of my domain. I suppose I'll take him down in a century or two and promote him. Ambition should be nurtured.

Thu, 27 May 2004 23:59:58 GMT

Lucifer. The most misunderstood of all the
ArchAngels, you're most like the ArchAngel of
Light. You've seen the darkside and have opted
for something better. You need better press,
though chances are no one will really
understand your motives.

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ha ha. Yes. Quite right. The darkside, of course, is His side. I AM misunderstood, none of you even begin to comprehend my motives. I like that quiz.

Slayers are fun. Especially when they don't know how to keep their mouths shut. It's oddly refreshing for someone to see me and not be determined to 'look past that evil exterior'. How many times must I tell you all, I'm evil. I am what goodness isn't. I don't have goodness hidden away in me that could be brought to the surface if only someone could find it. Idiots.

Speaking of idiots, Baphomet should be strung up by his horns. I hate gods.

OOC: Won't be RPing this weekend, as I'm going on a roadtrip with some friends. Back on Monday.

Tue, 25 May 2004 08:20:26 GMT

Metatron learning how to drive...that was hilarious. Honestly. I was laughing so hard there were tears rolling down some of my followers' faces. Human children can drive cars and one of the oldest beings in existence practically had a panic attack behind the wheel. Perhaps my dear Pierce should've checked the brakes just once more.

Angels really are stupid creatures.

Having looked back over events since I've been away, I haven't missed much.

Honestly, Earth really is a dull place when I'm not around. I'm coming back to brighten everyone's boring little lives. ~~Hell is becoming tiresome. Everyone just screams when I stop by for a chat.~~

OOC

Fri, 07 May 2004 08:38:47 GMT

Hey, I'm sorry to everyone who's been left hanging in various RPs. The last few days or so have been outrageously stressful and busy, and I haven't been able to manage much time on the computer. I'll try to get responses out tonight...unless I nod off to sleep, in which case they'll definitely be done tomorrow.

lil_ne

Sat, 01 May 2004 07:30:12 GMT

From here

Lucifer recieves an interesting package.

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 01:22:24 GMT

Bloody gods.

Whatever Eris was babbling about, stupid brainless bimbo that she is, I'm curious about a few things. Why should I expect an overabundance of souls soon, unless she has something planned. If those plans involve ending the world, Armageddon, or war on God in any way, I want to know. As soon as Astaroth calms down, he'll be sent to investigate.

I fail to see how if Baphomet cannot keep his, and it's a matter of debate whether the boy is even his at all, servant under control or at least teach him a modicum of common sense, my own should not be able show him the consequences of his actions. Jonathan is asking for a battle to be waged over him, for reasons that have nothing to do with him. It's unlikely that he'd survive such a thing, but that's hardly my concern. Actually I'd find that rather amusing. Hmmm, something to consider.

Astaroth returned to me ready to tear heads off. I've sent him to play with the Damned for a while, until he's capable of speaking to people without burning their feet off. Metatron, consider yourself lucky he won't be attending the karaoke. I know how you hate bloodshed in your garden.

Still do not care to return.

[locked]Am taking a new form to return to Earth and walk among humans as an anonymous...as anonymous as I can be, at least...stranger again. None but Astaroth are aware of this, and it will remain that way. As far as every other demon is concerned, I am not seeing anyone due to 'uncontrollable rage' that leads me to rip apart everyone I see. On occasion, my reputation for a terrible temper comes in handy.[/locked]

As before, messages may be left here. Astaroth may respond.

Sat, 24 Apr 2004 06:13:00 GMT

My time spent so far in Hell has been both amusing and wellspent. And painful, of course, but that really should go unsaid. Anger management has been going wonderfully - turning lesser demons inside out is wonderful for stress relief.

Some events on Earth have been almost enough to make me leave Hell. Almost. Azrael really is a pathetic excuse for a demon. Little Tommy Dagget is exquisite when he's hurting. Llamas are apparently running rampant - really should've told Astaroth to pay Jonathan a visit with a branding iron. And Adam from_tadfield, great bloody disappointment that he is, has shown up as well.

Astaroth is currently serving as my representative on Earth. I do not anticipate returning any time soon. Of course, I could be lying. I could be back tomorrow. Tonight. Next week. Next millenia. Time on Earth is so short, perhaps I won't return till the Armaggedon. If we can ever get the bloody thing started.

Hmmm. Or maybe I'll take a different form and become a stranger again.

OOC

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 02:32:09 GMT

This is to post a series of chats I've had with Metatron's mun, playing with the muses. It isn't really in connection with TM, it's just for fun. The first one I borrowed out of your LJ, davechicken.

Sympathy for the Devil - Lucy plots something naughty
Lucifer is considering gate crashing that Seder just for amusement's sake.
Metaboo would bitchslap him out - everyone eating peacefully, two angels fighting outside the window
M: mental image of him thwapping Lucy with a spatual whilst wearing a 'kiss the chef' apron
L: And Lucifer would be so taken aback he'd just take it. For a few seconds, anyway.
M: YOU ARE NOT RUINING THIS PARTY YOU BASTARD *thwap thwap*
M: Don't make me get out the egg whisk!
L: My Lucifer muse is shaking his head and refusing to take part in such an undignified situation.
L: He's plotting starting a food fight in his head and turning all the food into deadly missiles.
M: meanwhile Giles and Ethan arehaving messy carsex
M says he can fuck off
or he'll pelt Lucy with happy easter cakes
L says he can go sit in his garden and cry.
M says he'll sit in his garden and not cry just to spite Lucy
and be all happy so ner
M: how childish they are
L: *shakes head* Silly muses
M: *thwaps them* play nice
L says he's allergic to playing nice
M says he has an anti-histemine spray
L says M can take his anti-histemine spray and stick it up his nose.
M says only if Lucy does the same
L says M's the one being childish anyway
M says oh yeah?
L says yeah
M says L started it
L says M started it by being a stupid angel
M says he isn't stupid
L says yes he is
M says L's just projecting
L says M's just making up psychobabble to cover the fact that he's stupid.
M says he didn't know L could use long words like 'stupid' and he's proud and gives him a sticker
L makes the sticker say 'I talked to a stupid angel and all I got for my troubles was this stupid sticker'
M says if it makes him happy and sticks it on his nose
L says it doesn't make him happy and that he deserved much more for putting up with M.
M says he can have a hug and a lollypop but that's all
L says M's a stingy bastard. And he'll take the lollypop.
M hands it over and says there there
L pulls the lolly off the stick and throws it at M, bouncing it off his forehead, and says now he feels better.
M says he's happy
L says he hopes M bruises
M says he can't really but he could use face paint if that helped
L says he could conduct an experiment and see how long he'd have to hit an angel before the angel bruises.
M says if it keeps him busy but they have to watch Chicken Run while he does it
L says why chicken run?
M says he likes it
L says he should've known M would have terrible taste in just about everything.
M says Chicken Run then whatever L wants
L says he's got some lovely footage of his last trip to the lower pits of Hell
M says sure if he gives a voiceover
L says the screams tend to drown everything else out
M says fine then is he ready?
L says he wants a kiss first
M says *fine* but no chocolate
L says he's got a really nice chocolate though that he was saving just for M
M says he'd prefer L to have it
But thathe has some nice angel cake if L doesnt want chocolate
L says he's not really a fan of angel cake
M says pity
L says not really, especially not if M's going to try the same trick he pulled with the chocolate
M says he isn't underhanded
Well not *that* underhanded
And if he was he'd have much more tact
L says M is so underhanded and he would've tried it first if he was smart enough to think of it
M says he had actually but that if L came back through trickery he hadn't actually come back so ner
L says M's just demonstrating how stupid he is and he shouldn't be proud of being a dumb angel
M says are they watching the film or not
L says he doesn't want to watch a film about clay chickens who can't fly
M says why not
M says it's a lovely metafilmic piece with loads of references
Lucy:
L says its a stupid move about clay chickens who can't fly and it's voiced over by Mel Gibson who should have his eyes pecked out by those same chickens
L dislikes Gibson yes but he says at least it isn't Bloom
L says he didn't think anyone could be as stupid as an angel but Bloom comes very close.
And that doesn't mean he'll watch Chicken Run.
M shudders at the thought of Bloom as one of the undying
And he says what then
L says he could always give M's wings a massage
M says no thanks but his feet are a bit sore
Ad he'd give L a wing massage if HE wanted
L says he'd always thought M didn't like his wings
M says he thinks the black just doesn't suit his complexion
But he'll give him a wing massage anyway
L says black happens to look very good on him thank you very much and M has crappy taste anyway. And he'll take that wing massage too.
M says L does it too excessively and L shouldn't talk when he has Azrael and his hats as a follower. And that L can sit down then to make it easier.
L says he never asked Azrael to follow him, God just booted the stupid muse out of Heaven after the War and he never had any say in the matter and he doesn't do it too excessively. And he sits down and unfurls his wings.
M sits down behind him and tuts and just starts at L's shoulders
L purrs and says M would look very yummy in all black
M says he'd need a little colour or it would be overpowering. Maybe a hint of green
L says he doesn't like green or purple or blue or any of the colours really but he rather likes them altogether in black. And green would make M look washed out.
M says not if he just used a little green. How about red then?
L says red's all right and he's got some lovely blood red ties in Hell M could borrow
M says if L agrees to wear one too
Because all black is just drab
L says all black isn't drab, it's stylish, and what would M know because he's walking around in a shiny purple suit.
M says oh shush and hands him another lolly and carries on massaging his wings
L laughs, sucks on the lolly and says M's obviously embarrassed about his lack of style but that's okay, he won't tease him anymore. Much.
M says yes dear and just carries on
L relaxes and says M has good hands. It's too bad he uses them for being all divine and Heavenly.
M says thanks and ditto but reversed. And does he want some music on?
L says his hands have more fun being bad. And M can put on whater music he likes, provided it doesn't suck.
M says what music doesn't suck then
L says probably anything M doesn't like
M says what then
And M doesnt think L could ever like country music
L says it was his side that came up with country music but no he doesn't particularly like it and he's feeling giving so M can put on whatever he likes, even if it does suck
M says thanks and puts on the Stones
L laughs and makes Sympathy For The Devil come on
M shrugs and carries on
And says the lyrics aren't that good
L says M has no taste and could he rub a little bit higher.
M says sure and he just thinks they lack a little something

...Um. Weird break here. Some of the convo's missing.

M says not complaining? Hah.
L says he doesn't complain, he informs others of their deficiencies.
M says same difference with the effort L puts into it
L says like M is one to talk about others complaining with the amount of time he spends whinging about everything in existence.
M says so what he never claimed not to complain and he doesn't complain about EVERYTHING
L says he does so, he complains about everything and more besides.
M says does not and pokes him in the side
L says does so and grabs his finger and doesn't let go.
M says who's being childish now?
L says M is
M says fine and just carries on massaging with one hand
L says M IS childish and plays with M's hand
M shrugs and carries on, humming to the song
L says M's probably the most childish being in all existence.
M says really? in a really devil-may-care blase tone
L says really, probably even more childish than every child ever born put together and you can't get much more childish than that
M says some children are very mature and he can only do one wing with one hand
L says some children taste very good with bbq sauce and M isn't getting his other hand back
M says fine but shuffle over a little so he can at least try and work evenly
L moves and says M shouldn't be such a perfectionist
M sticks out his tongue and says sor-ry for caring about his wings
L says his wings don't need M to care about them. But that doesn't mean he should stop.
M just laughs and carries on
L sits quietly for a little while and then wonders outloud what angel wings would look like with all the feathers pulled out.
M says very bare
L says they'd be a fashion statement and M should let him pull all his feathers out.
M says no thanks he likes his wings ask Gabriel instead
L says he wouldn't touch Gabriel's wings with a ten foot pole. Unless it was to tear them off.
M says pity then
L says M is uncurably unfashionable.
M says he likes it that way
L says purple shiny suits are horrendous and M should be thrown out of Heaven just for wearing something so gross.
M says God doesn't mind and no one else complains
L says hello he complains all the time
M says no one *else*
And M wants to know why his fashion sense or lack thereof is so important to L
Because dressing 'well' isn't anything to do with the war
L says he doesn't have to tell M why and M can't make him
M says he doesn't need to know *that*badly
L says he bets M is dying of curiosity
M says no not really, he doesn't understand The Plan and that's bigger and been around longer so a little thing like L's quirks is no big
L says he bets M wants to know so much he'd put on an all black suit to find out
M says not really
L says it's a sin to lie
M says does L see him donning all black to see? No. So he wasn't lying.
L says M must be in denial as well. Poor angel.
M says can he have his hand back please?
L says no
M says fine
L says he's keeping M's hand forever and because its attached to M, he'll just have to keep all of him.
M says L will have to come to Heaven then and on do-gooding trips
L says he'll come on do-gooding trips just to see how he can screw them up.
M says he can't screw them up sorry
And is he ready to come to Heaven?
L says he can so screw them up. And he isn't actually allowed in heaven at the moment because God's still a little pissed off about that War thing.
M says he's sorry but if L wants to hold his hand forever he'll have to come back and that means apologising
L says he's not going back and he's not apologising and M isn't getting his hand back anyway so it doesn't really matter
M says he can go back any time he wants so L can either let go or come back and say sorry and they can all have a nice party
A really nice big party
L says nice parties in Heaven are boring, even really nice big parties, and he doesn't like nice stuff anyway. He isn't going to let go either so M's just going to have come up with another solution.
M says he HAS to go back and he *can* just go back whether L likes it or not, and he's sorry but it's true and if he *really* wants he can hold his hand when he's down on earth and not working but that's the best he can do. And what music does he want on next?
L lets go of M's hand and says he didn't really want to hold M's stupid hand anyway. And he wants the country song 'I ran over my dog and then my truck broke down ' next.
M puts that song on and says L would like the kind of party they'd throw for him, quietly, and starts doing his wings again
L says his wings are fine now thankyou, M can go do his do-gooding stuff now.
M says alright then he hopes he likes the song and gets up. And then he says L's wings are too tense and he should get them massaged more often.
L says his wings are perfectly fine how they are and they're none of M's concern anyway.
M shrugs and says L's funeral and vanishes- but not before some massage oil drops in L's lap
L pulls a face and disappears - but not before putting the massage oil in his pocket.

Metaboo acts weirdly and once again infuriates Lucy
Metaboo offers hugs
Lucifer pulls a face and says he can stick those hugs somewhere uncomfortable.
Dracula calls everyone pathetic Metatron says
That doesn't comfort Lucifer in the slightest
M says he has chocolates and flowers for Lucy
And hands them over
L turns them to ash and blows them back
M smiles sadly and says he's sorry Lucy's not hungry and he'll stop bothering him but he can come find him when he wants to
L stamps his feet and screams at M to stop acting so weird
M says he's sorry, nods and vanishes
L fumes and sets fire to random buildings

Metaboo plans cruel and unusual punishment, ie. karaoke
Lucifer says he thought causing other people pain was his job.
Metaboo says Lucy is always wrong
Lucifer says Metatron is always stupid. And wrong about Lucifer being wrong - because he's stupid.
Metaboo offers him a cookie
Lucy takes the cookie and eyes it suspiciously
Metaboo grins and asks him how hell was
Lucy says hell was hot, it's that time of year. And what's in the cookie
Metaboo says chocolate chips
Lucy asks *just* chocolate chips
Metaboo says there may be nut traces in it he doesn't know
Lucy eats the cookie and says it isn't very good
Metaboo says sorry does he prefer double choc chip?
Lucy says he prefers the blood of angels
Metaboo says sorry they don't make angelcookies
Lucy says they should, there's a niche market for them
Metaboo shrugs and says he's not looking to sell
Lucy says everyone sells for the right price
Metaboo says yes, Lucy's apology to God
Lucy says okay he's sorry that God's such a sanctimonious sadistic bastard
Metaboo says that gets him another cookie
Lucy asks one with angel blood?
Metaboo says not quite
Lucy says with what then?
Metaboo says rasperries
Lucy says he doesn't like raspberries nearly so much as angel blood
Metaboo says he can learn to say sorry properly then
Lucy says he already knows how to say sorry and just because M doesn't like what he was apologised for, doesn't mean he shouldn't get a proper reward.
M *cuts his finger slightly then dabs it on Lucy's nose* There.
L rubs it off, licks his fingers, swoons, and asks if M happens to want any more apologies
M says yes Lucy can apologise to God for Lucy himself being an aorrogant twat and wrong
L says he'd hate to lie
M says thats a lie itself and he's not getting any more till he starts to feel sorry for how badly he behaves
L stamps his feet and says that's not fair because he doesn't behave badly, he's just drawn that way.
M points to everything he's done and asks is that bad or not?
L considers and then opens his mouth, pauses, considers and then grins and says yes, isn't it fantastic?
M says no and plays with his duckie
L says M has a duckie obsessions and it's weird
M says so what and huggles his duckie desperately
L stares and says that M is more unhinged than he thought
M shrugs and says Lucy should have a duckie
L says he doesn't need a duckie thank you very much especially not if hugging is required
M says hugging isn't and gives him a yellow one anyway
He says feel free to torture it
L stares at the duckie and then sticks a pin in it and says it isn't much fun when the duckie doesn't scream
M shrugs and makes a squeaking noise for it
L sighs and says that isn't very satisfying and then makes it squeak again anyway
M says cookie?
L glares and throws the duckie at M
M catches it and puts it with the devilduckie and squeaks them together
L grins and says M is living vicariously through the duckies
M says so what
L says that's kind of pathetic.
M shrugs and has a squeaking conversation between the duckies
L stares and says no it's really pathetic now
And then asks what they're saying to each other
M says they are singing a duet
L says M is a twisted angel
M says yes he is
L adds that M has cracked and should probably be relieved of his duty
M says God likes him just fine
L says God has no taste
M shrugs and refuses to make the bitchy comment he's thinking
L pokes M in a very annoying way
M pets him vaguely on the shoulder
L pokes him again and then sets the duckies on fire
M puts the fire out and gives Lucy a hat
L scowls and says he doesn't want a hat and melts the duckies into a puddle of duckie rubber
M makes new ones and says the hat looks nice
L treads on the hat and says M should get over this duckie thing because it's weird
M says he doesnt care if its weird and why does he even care
L says he doesn't think a devil duckie would sing a duet
M says HIS does
L says not anymore
M makes another
L says he's not going to let any devil thing sing a duet so M will just have to get over it
M says solo then?
L says no singing at all
M pouts
L pinches M
M thwaps his hand
L pokes M with a stick
M beams
L stares and asks why M's grinning
M shrugs and grins
L frowns and says he wants to know
M refuses
L stamps his foot
M smiles
L glares
M beams
L snarls and turns away
M hands him an angel-shaped cookie
L drops it and steps on it
M shrugs
L says M's cookies suck
M says he's sorry
L says that M's apologies suck too
M shrug and plays with his stick
L says that M's stick is a phallic symbol
M says it was a present
L says M seems to enjoy playing with his stick
M says he does
He also says L projects
L says he doesn't project, he sees things as they are
M shrugs and plays
L says M is rather obsessed with his stick
M thwaps him with it
L says that's sexual harrassment
M says it can't be he can't have sex
L says he can if he really wants to
M says he can't
L says yes he can
M shrugs and gives him the stick
L breaks the stick and laughs

Metaboo plays with his duckies and the muses demonstrate how a dysfunctional relationship works
Metaboo plays with them
He's giving Lucy a pink one for his birthday
Lucy is going to do something not very nice to it probably.
Metaboo still gives it him
Lucy pulls it's head off and sticks it on a little pike
Metaboo shrugs
Lucy throws the body of the duckie at M's head
M catches it and puts a bow on it
L stares and asks when M became so soppy
M says he is not soppy
L says yes he is, he just put a bow on the body of a duckie
M says he is not soppy
L says yes he is so
M shrugs and makes the tea
L puts a sign on M's back that says 'I am a big soppy angel who lives vicariously through rubber duckies, please kick me'
M says how hungry is Lucy and thinks a sign on Lucy's back saying 'I am a childish fallen angel who doesn't know what is best for me and takes out my unhappiness on everyone else and needs hugs from people who can't be immediately blasted or hurt much by me'
L says he's very hungry and changes the sign on his back to say 'I am a fallen angel who knows what's really going on in this stupid existence and takes my fustration out on everyone else because they deserve it for being so stupid and needs angel blood because I'm very hungry, not hugs'
M hands him a huge plate of food and changes the sign to 'I'm a sourpuss, just hug me'
L takes the plate of food, puts it down and takes the sign off his back and holds it up to show to M with a pathetic look on his face
M grins and asks more salt?
L looks down and his bottom lip quivers distressingly
M says vinegar?
L drops the sign
M pats him on the shoulder
L shrugs his hand away
M HUGS
L laughs evilly and bites M hard on the neck and says that's what you get for hugging me
M just winces and rubs Lucy's back and isn't crying and doesn't want to nope
L laughs some more and says isn't hugging fun
M says yes it is and hugs him tighter- possibly out of spite
L squirms and says M is squishing him
M squeezes a bit harder before he lets go
L shudders and says hugs are icky unless bitings involved
M says if thats how he feels
L looks up perkily and asks if that means they can combine hugging and biting from now on?
M says maybe
L grins happily
M says does he want his desert then or is he not hungry now
L says he's always hungry
M says he made him chocolate puding
L asks if he can lick it off M
M says he can lick the bowl
L says that's not nearly as fun and it would be much better for both of them if he used M's chest as a plate
M says not really and hands him the cake and starts washing pots because he isn't thinking about it no no
L looks at the cake looks at M looks at the cake again and then pounces on M and tackles him to the ground
M yelps and thwaps him with a dripping wet spatula and a dishcloth
L growls and turns the spatula and dishcloth to ash as well as M's shirt
M eeps and says no fair and blows in Lucy's face
L says when has he ever played fair and then turns the bowl of pudding upside down over M's chest
M thwaps him and says stop it and tries to get up
L grins and pushes M down and says M can't get up because L hasn't had his dessert yet and then L leans down and licks up M's chest
M screams and struggles like crazy and says stop it he doesn't like it, pleeeeeeease
[but also conveniently forgets he can just *piffle*]
L laughs and says M's a liar and then licks chocolate off M's nipple
M SCREAMS and tries to kick him
L says M is rather vicious for an angel maybe he should have some chocolate to calm him down and then runs a finger down M's chest and holds it to M's lips
M bites his finger
L grins and says yes isn't biting fun?
M growls
L says M should growl more often and he should also be L's plate more often and then goes back to cleaning chocolate off M's chest
M has had enough and flips them over and says he shouldnt and that's the last time he does that and THEN he remembers he should stand up and wipe himself clean
L looks down and says M's gotten chocolate all over him and then makes his shirt disappear but leaves the chocolate behind on his skin
M says he can bloody well clear it off himself
L says M's got such a nice tongue
M growls
L says M should use his tongue more often
M says he does when he talks
L says M could put it to much better use than that
M says it's already used just enough
L says the chocolate's very yummy
M says more for L then whippie
L scowls and says he isn't moving
M hands him a chocolate and starts clearing up
L sulks
M offers him a duckie
L screams and stands up and throws a chair at M
M yelps and wants to cry
L isn't sorry at all and says next time he'l throw the table
M tries to put the chair under the table calmly
L makes the chair 'accidently' hit M in the shin
M winces and pretends it didnt hurt
L grins unrepetently and asks if Me's having trouble with the furniture
M says no its fine old furniture has a life of its own
L says yes that's true and makes the table legs break and the table drops onto M's foot
M closes his eyes and counts to ten
L makes the other end of the table flip up and smack M on the forehead
M grits his teeth and says hail bloody marys
L makes a package of flour fall out of the cupboard and drop over M's head, covering him in flour
M coughs and hands Lucy a yellow rose
L picks off the petals and eats it
M tidies up again
L says M always ignores him and it isn't very nice for an angel to do that
M says what would he like to talk about?
L shrugs and says he doesn't care
M says - cheese?
L says he doesn't like cheese
M says what then
L says he wouldn't make furniture throw itself at M if M didn't ignore him. Probably
M sits down across from him and smiles reasonably (or tries to but is slightly wincing)
L smiles and says it *is* fun to make furniture throw itself at M though
M says fine but can they use ikea furniture
L says only if it's made of wood or stone or other such heavy materials, suitable for causing pain
M says sure
L says maybe M should make some more chocolate pudding
M says later
L pouts
M hands him a duckie
L sits quietly for a moment looks at the duckie and then screams and storms out and sits outside
M worriedly tidies an already tidy room
And eventually makes a chocolate pudding appear beside Lucy
L sticks a finger in the pudding sucks the chocolate off and refuses to go inside
M is not crying no and cleans yet again and eventually goes back to heaven in an apron, fussing
L burns the house down and sits outside watching and eating the pudding

Ah, our darling muses. How they screw each other up.

He's like an infestation of cockroaches! Gets everywhere!

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 04:57:51 GMT

Honestly. I go away for a few days, torment the population of a country town (the little children squealed like pigs! It was hilarious! And most of the man barely needed any prompting at all to start raping women and then cut them up with axes) come back and find out the Bastard Son is here. Well, they'll just let anyone in these days, won't they? No standards at all.

Frankly, I'd rather be in Hell. Away from Him (It's amazing how much I still hate him, you'd think it might fade after two thousand years. No such luck.), away from Metatron (He keeps smiling at me. It's disturbing.), and away from all you insipid humans.

My followers can handle things on Earth for a few days. I'm going back to my dominion. Any messages can be left here and if they're deemed important enough by Astaroth will be sent to me. Where they'll be ignored. Like anything any of you could say would be important.

Do try not to let things get too boring in my absense. Last time I left Earth for any period of time, the 60's peace movement got started up. Now that was disturbing.

OOC: Hey everyone. My computer's gone nuts and isn't working. I'm on the library computer at the moment, can't stay on too long. I don't know when my comp will be working again, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe not till next week. Until then, Lucifer's taking a hiatus from Earth. I was planning for him too anyway, the timing just coincides, happily enough. Here's to hoping my comp gets fixed so I can post about Lucifer's time spent terrorising the population of Hell.

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 07:46:08 GMT

Roughly 2000 years ago I tried to save the Son of God from being crucified. The irony of this never fails to make me want to flay someone and then pour lemon juice and vinegar all over them.

Of course, it wasn't because I wanted to help Him. Don't bother entertaining the thought. I never liked the Son. Sanctimonious little bastard if ever there was one. There's no one more I would've enjoyed seeing torn apart and killed by the people He'd come to save. Just not for the reasons He had planned.

I worked everyone involved. Entrusted some grunt work to some of the lesser demons, Thammuz, Gabreel, Astaroth. But I spared no energy on it. I tried to tell Judas to stop. For days before hand, I tried to talk to him, tried to convince him not to do it. 30 pieces of silver for the life of Jesus. Not like I don't think that's a fair trade, but He didn't hear me, didn't even see me. God's hand at work. Never believe anyone if they tell you He plays fair.

Once I realised it was inevitable, I sat back and laughed. Watched them beat Him, whip Him, rip Him to shreds. The crown of thorns really was a nice touch. Let me tell you, I was laughing hysterically by the time they started hammering Sonny Jim up. I sat on one of the arms of the cross He was nailed to and I talked to Him while He died. And He died so slowly. I think that was when I really admired humans and their capacity for cruelty. Crucifiction is really very glorious to behold.

After that, business in Hell began to slow, of course. Sins were being forgiven, we had to work harder for the borderline souls. Jesus died for your sins, ladies and gentlemen. But He orchestrated the whole fiasco because He couldn't stand losing to me.

It was always going to happen. No one could stop it. Not even me. And He has the gall to try and make you humans feel guilty about it. Honestly, I could just scream. How does anyone love Him? How?

I'm going to convince some priests that He doesn't exist. Happy Easter.

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 03:20:12 GMT

I almost had Judas. So very close. But He just had to go visiting dreams. Telling the stupid stupid fool that He loved him. Liar. He doesn't love anyone.

Bastard. Bastard.

Perhaps I should visit Metatron. Beat him to an angelic pulp. Would I feel better then?

Love. The word makes me shake with rage. I'm not seeing red anymore. I'm seeing magenta, ox blood, crimson.

...Cannot shake this appalling mood. No matter how many I make suffer. It's most infuriating.

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 00:35:23 GMT

Souls are such wonderful things. Just so easily corrupted and tainted and made mine. It's really like He was thinking of my entertainment when he made you humans.

How best to describe the average soul. Beige. Nothing interesting or terrible about it. Just average and mediocre and boring. And if they should happen to slide into Hell, all the better. That's what my followers are for, the lesser demons.

You humans. So much sameness about you. Maybe a little lust, a little violence, but it's all so...beige. So boring.

And then sometimes I find a soul that has spark. Maybe something good, maybe something bad. But sometimes a soul just has something. Something that I want.

And that's where things get interesting. That's when things get fun.

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 07:35:55 GMT

Earthquakes ravaging another pacific island. Stupid humans running and screaming every which way - taking great enjoyment in aiming falling trees at them and opening cracks just where stupid humans will fall into them. Very funny.

Judas is hilarious. All this time his, shall we put it, outlandish behaviour (you know, the blood drinking and killing a whole lot of people and turning into bats and such) has apparently been attention seeking. Too funny for words. He is very tasty though and I suppose that makes up for any rabid stupidity on his part...2000 years of trying to get His attention. I laugh every time I think of it.

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 07:08:45 GMT

~~I HATE METATRON. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.~~

Done venting on Earth. That lovely little pacific island now has a pretty volcano where it never did before and lots of ash where it used to have villages and people. Much better.

And they're calling it an Act of God. What a fucking joke.

And now I'm going to pay the Damned a little visit. Everyone is going to suffer.

Tue, 30 Mar 2004 22:55:01 GMT

Metatron is acting oddly and it's rather annoying. I'm going to go dismember some of the Damned. That always makes me smile.

5 questions from my own pet angel metatron_tm

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 01:57:55 GMT

1. The image of you in red, little cloven hoofs, horns, pitchfork and dinky tail. Why? Really?

Not actually my fault. You can blame your friend Baphomet for that. Partially. Goat boy, with all his free loving and pleasure seeking ways, made people associate the Devil and demons with goats. I just took the image and added the pitchfork. It's good for poking.

2. Who amongst your followers annoys you most and why?

Do I have to pick just one? Azrael often makes me wish He had kept all the pansy conscientious objectors. I certainly didn't want them.

3. What do you miss the most?

Trick question. I don't miss anything at all, Voice. ~~Not that I'll admit to you.~~ Do try to get that through your dense head.

4. Pick a flower. Any flower.

A yellow rose bud, petals removed. Delicious.

5. If something was more important to you than this war, what would it be?

~~You.~~ My own self preservation. Fortunately, I gave that up when I landed in Hell.

Step right up, monkeys, and let me pry your minds.

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 06:16:35 GMT

You humans.

You seek me out, apparently wanting to play with hellfire, and then try to back out when you realise that THE DEVIL isn't someone you should especially want to play with. Stupid, stupid humans.

Again and again and again.

It's hilarious how you monkeys think I actually care that you don't want to play anymore, you want me to stop, you don't want the pain or the pleasure. Sure, it's generally more pain than pleasure but you get what you ask for.

Anyway, Hell continues as usual. To make up for his blunder with the pope, Astaroth has done a little work behind closed doors in the White House, setting back world peace for quite some time. I may decide to revoke his punishment and not flay his skin off, as a reward.

We'll see.

Well, the party's over...

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 07:37:04 GMT

...what am I saying? The party's never over.

Metatron's gone back to the side of fluffy bunnies and willful enforced ignorance. He's obviously not well made for rebellion and evil behaviour, as he went rather insane towards the end.

It was fun while it lasted.

Now I get to watch guilt and angst eat him from the inside out. And that's fun too.

[locked to metatron_tm]

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 06:39:36 GMT

Voice. There's something I require of you. Bring me the boy, Willy...stupid name. Make him mine as proof of your love.

Offer me a soul and we'll be together forever.

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 07:17:36 GMT

The Oscars, as always, are wonderful to watch. You wouldn't believe who sold their souls this year. And we screwed over as many idiotic celebrities as possible, played with the wordings of contracts. The entertainment industry is such fun. Actors are such whores for attention, it's almost too easy. Very easy pickings.

Also watched The Passion Of Christ. Laughed my head off. Well, actually I laughed and then removed some human heads from their bodies, but who's splitting hairs. It's very fun to watch. Lots of whippings, lots of blood. Almost as entertaining as the real thing was.

Not that I even wanted Sonny Boy crucified. Sure, it was fun to watch him whimper and suffer, but I did what I could to stop it. And I'm not lying. Whoever says that it either a fool, a moron or both. Why would I want that? It started the bloody forgiveness of sins.

Those who serve Him are sacrifices to His great fucking ineffable plan. And you all wonder why I hate Him so much.